I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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