I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
