i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
