I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
