People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize