Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
