i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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