Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
