You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
