You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
