But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Found the puke drawer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
