just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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