Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
