I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
