Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
we should paint friendship bongs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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