Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Im part way to drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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