the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
