Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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