Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
