then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
