I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
