yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
