cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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