I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
