He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Enjoy the penises
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
