And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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