playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
