just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
