i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize