He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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