i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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