i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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