I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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