We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
