Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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