I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
