it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
