Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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