i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
