you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
