i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
