You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
