Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
