Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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