I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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