A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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