I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You can't motorboat a personality
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
