omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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