She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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