He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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