My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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