Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
