it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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