I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Barsexuality is the new black.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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