Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
