i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
