I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
