Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
