im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
