If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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