Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
