Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
