My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
