oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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