i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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