She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
