10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
