The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
