The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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